Meeting Elizabeth Gilbert was more than just a photo - here’s what I took away from the night
A year ago, I bought a VIP ticket to see Elizabeth Gilbert live.
It was the first VIP experience that I’d personally paid for—and it felt like a big decision. An extra $100 for a front-row seat, a photo, and a meet-and-greet with her.
At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure why I chose the most expensive ticket. I wasn’t an obsessive fan. I loved her books (Eat, Pray, Love, Committed, Big Magic) and admired her boldness, but I didn’t feel like I needed to be in the front row. Yet something deep inside nudged me to say yes.
And I’m so glad I did.
Not because of the photo (though I’m happy to have it), but because of the authentic, warm and personal moment I got to experience with her & two of my soul sisters.
I took the opportunity to gift her handwritten notes of gratitude, an ode to her ‘Gratitude Jar’ concept, and even slipped in an invitation to join me on my podcast. I walked away with no expectations, yet content and chuffed that I’d asked.
And then, I got to sit up front and soak in every moment as she walked onto the stage and delivered a talk that was unlike anything I expected.
She spoke about creative living over purpose, why we should stop trying to "change the world," the power of boundaries, and how curiosity is the opposite of fear. She offered wisdom for women about relaxing into their power and left us with stories that deepened my understanding of self-belief, the power of perception, and the art of being present.
Here are the details for you to take away from my unforgettable evening with Elizabeth Gilbert.
After walking onto the Melbourne Town Hall stage, Liz not only acknowledged the traditional custodians of the lands, she acknowledged that everyone was taking photos of her! Fully embracing the moemnt, she struck a series of hilarious poses (see pic below), then asked us to put our phones away so we could be fully present.
She wanted us to experience ‘Creative Living’, which she described as living a life of presence, very different from what we often hear: a life ‘of purpose.
This is a place where we’re watchful, integrated, grounded, full of pleasure.
She showed us that trying to find a purpose, or believe that we all have a purpose, just creates ‘purpose anxiety’.
She amusingly shared how she felt that the pressure to discover our unique gift and talent in a world full of 8 billion people creates a problem rather than solving one.*
The fact that we’re told to identify our unique skill, master it, and then - as if that’s not enough - monetise it too! Oh, and of course, we must leave a legacy.
The way she explained it made it sound so ridiculously, unrealistic and an unnecessary source of anxiety!
She shared that the idea of needing to change the world is, in fact, not a good idea. ‘It reeks of desperation, of scarcity’. We only need to look around the world to see that humans changing the world is not working.
Instead, what if we focused on the present, after all, the more you focus on the future, the more you miss it - to paraphrase Viktor Frankl.
She then quoted Kafka: “The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked; it has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet”.
She pointed out, the world is full of heavens. And God is presence.
She explained this with a story of a monk, who was asked to peel potatoes all day.
The monk didn’t think it was beneath him, or that this was a worthless activity. He said “I peel potatoes with God, as God, for God.” Each moment is an opportunity to be with God.
She said if we take the focus off ourselves, and instead ask, ‘How and who do you want me to serve?”, that gives us an interesting answer.
One of her most impactful messages was her message for women to relax.
She noted that the relaxed person in a room holds the power. And that, interestingly, women never get called ‘relaxed’. Nor feel they are allowed to relax.
Her wish is for women to step into being the Alpha Mare. A concept her friend Martha Beck introduced her to.
In a herd of horses, there is one mare that is the leader. All the other horses look to her, in order to know what to do and how to feel. As long as she remains calm, the rest of the herd feels calm. She said that Glennon Doyle had shared that this is like when everyone looks to the flight attendant in turbulence. If they’re not worried, neither should we be!
One of the reasons the Alpha mare is always calm is her boundaries are AIRTIGHT.
Later in the evening, a woman asked her about how she could stop being angry towards her children and husband, to which Liz said, I’m not really qualified to answer this as I don’t have either a husband or a child although she would like to offer a lesson she had learned on boundaries.
She said that ‘Angry people are those with the worst boundaries’. She encouraged the woman, and everyone, to draw a circle around themselves and note that everything inside the circle is sacred. We are all holy and sacred, and people need to know that it’s not ok to overstep this circle and cross our boundaries.
She said we need to learn how to put the energy outward, stand in our Kali Durga power and protect your boundaries.
There were two other powerful stories she shared.
The first was of a book she had written and was in the very early stages of publishing when the Ukraine war had first started. She had been writing this book for years, and had carefully fact checked it, many times.
What she didn’t foresee, was her book was based in Russia, and the timing of the book launch meant it would give Russia positive attention. Her fans around the world, and particularly in Ukraine, did not want the book published and there was a public, social media backlash.
This sent her publisher into a tizz, her PR team into meltdown, and she was looking for someone to be her ‘Book Daddy’, the person with all the answers, the one to lift her out of this mess!
Instead, her nervous system activated its alarms - it went into full protection mode. She could acknowledge: ‘I have no access to my resources right now - I’m in a reptile moment’.
She knew that she’d never made a good decision from this stressed place, and instead remembered to ‘STOP, and go into presence, and get curious”. She’s found that curiosity is the opposite of fear.
She walked out of the meeting and asked for time to be.
She returned to her hotel and got curious about what her fans were trying to tell her.
She used Byron Katie’s four questions from The Work to get curious about her beliefs:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without that thought?
What she realised was the reality was more kind than the stories her mind and the future predictions told.
She wasn’t actually under attack. She was safe, in a fancy London hotel. If she was present, it was the perfect moment.
She was then able to see what she wanted to do. She was the ‘Book Daddy’ she was looking for. She pulled the book from being released and distributed.
She followed this story with a powerful parable about two brothers - one pessimistic, one optimistic - showing how our beliefs shape our reality
In this story, the father tests his sons.
To the pessimistic son, the father gives him everything, and yet he complains and is miserable with what he receives.
To the optimistic son, he gives him a room full of shit.
Even in this situation, the son says, ‘There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere’.
Later, she was asked about addiction.
She shared that addiction is best self diagnosed.
First, can you stop?
Second, have you tried to stop and can you stay stopped?
She acknowledged that it is a the revolving door of suffering and the abandonment of self. It doesn’t matter how it starts, it always ends up a mess on the bathroom floor.
The person is looking to another to fix, manage or ‘save me’. She spoke of her own addictions, more recently an awareness of a love and sex addiction that she can now see is a thread through all her relationships (which is what I invited her to talk about with me - such a taboo topic for women especially).
That’s a summary of the 90 minute talk. I’ve got a lot out of retyping my scribbled notes. I trust you will too.
A few things stood out from watching her speak.
There was no set, no screen, or special lighting.
She stood on stage and spoke from the heart. There wasn’t a script, or an obvious plan, her words were her truth. Not sugar coated, or rehearsed.
She shared lots of ideas, and they weren’t all her own. She quoted many people (i’m always in awe of someone who can remember a quote!), and always acknowledged them. In fact, some of what I share here might be her quoting someone else, I just didn’t have a chance to note down, or catch, their name.
I’m grateful I got to share this ‘Special Evening with Elizabeth Gilbert’ with dear soul sisters, and come away with priceless lessons and learnings.
*My view is we’re all unique and there’s no need to be the only one that does this one special thing! That comes from a scarcity model, rather than an abundance mindset …and I do see that there’s a relentless pressure people feel to find their ‘purpose’.
