The truth about midlife bodies & menopause - Pleasure has no expiry date.
This article was first published on the Shame Free Sex Website, and then as a blog on the Comfortable In My Skin website
What if everything you’ve been told about midlife & desire is wrong?
Last week I turned 49. I’m right in the middle of midlife and before Christmas, met the requirements of menopause (and in case you’re wondering, as it can be EXTREMELY confusing, that’s 12 consecutive months without a bleed)..
For most of my life, like many in the Western world, I believed that what happens to our bodies and sex lives after 40 is bleak and awful.
We’ve been told menopause marks the beginning of the end—our libido vanishes, our bodies betray us, and our desirability dries up along with our hormones (and a few other things too!).
I’m here to tell you that none of this is true. I feel more radiant, vibrant, alive and energised than ever!
Instead of decline, midlife is actually the dawn of your second spring—a new kind of sexual awakening!
There are some big myths about our midlife and menopause, aging and desire - it’s time to bust them and bring you the truth - your pleasure isn’t over. It’s just getting started!
Myth #1: “Menopause means your desire dries up”
💡 Reality: Your libido isn’t disappearing—it’s evolving.
One of the most damaging beliefs about menopause is that it signals the end of your sexuality.
The truth? Many experience a sexual reawakening in midlife, especially when they shed societal pressure to perform, please others and put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.
Desire doesn’t vanish—it changes.
In our 20s and 30s, desire may have been more spontaneous, but in midlife, it often becomes more intentional, embodied, and self-driven. When we stop defining libido by outdated male-centric models and start listening to what actually turns us on, we unlock a whole new level of pleasure.
✨ How to shift your perspective:
Think of your sexuality as something to be explored, not fixed—get curious and be open to discovering what turns you on now. It might be different, and that’s exciting!
Understand that stress, exhaustion, and mental load impact libido far more than menopause does (and by the way, they are also major contributing factors to menopausal ‘symptoms’). The more we create space for pleasure, the more desire naturally flows.
Replace the idea of “chasing” desire with cultivating it— instead of looking to external sources to satisfy you, take responsibility for your own pleasure and focus on your own body through touch, movement, sensual rituals, and self-pleasure.
Myth #2: “Your body will shut off sexually”
💡 Reality: Your body has all the parts and wires for you to be turned on and feel pleasure—it may be that it needs to rediscover or create new pathways.
Yes, your body will change. (Did you notice that it’s been doing that your whole life!?).
Yes, your hormones shift.
Yes, vaginal dryness can happen.
But here’s what no one tells you: your body is still completely capable of deep pleasure and orgasm. It’s just that the way you access it might change.
Instead of seeing physical changes as a problem, think of them as an invitation and an opportunity to get creative and explore pleasure differently—with more intention, curiosity, and new tools.
✨ How to work with your body, not against it:
Lube is your best friend. Seriously, why weren’t we told this? Everyone needs lube, regardless of their age and stage in life! Would you get a massage without a massage oil - hell no! A good silicone or water-based lubricant can make everything feel more comfortable and luxurious. If this is new for you, it’s perfectly fine to begin with a vegetable or nut oil that’s in your kitchen. (Tip: Tune into your body and notice what it likes and responds to. You don’t have to buy expensive, fragrant or flavoured lubes if you don’t want to!).
Full-body pleasure is the new frontier. Sex isn’t just penetration. It’s so much more! You can discover heightened sensitivity beyond your genitals—your breasts, inner thighs, neck, and hands have nerves ready to respond to touch and turn you on. Expanding the way we experience touch makes pleasure feel richer and more profound.
Slow things down. Sex isn’t about rushing to the finish line—it’s about deep, sensual pleasure. When you give your body time to respond, it will.
Myth #3: “Aging is unattractive”
💡 Reality: Your attractiveness isn’t about age—it’s about embodiment.
We have been conditioned to believe that desirability has an expiration date. But real magnetism doesn’t come from being ’young’ and in your twenties—it comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Whatever that looks like.
The most powerful, radiant folk aren’t the ones clinging to youth. They’re the ones who’ve claimed their body and sensuality on their own terms.
✨ How to reclaim your confidence:
Cut out comparison-itis! Unfollow ANYTHING that makes you feel inadequate or unattractive. Stop watching shows that judge other people and their bodies (reality tv shows are known for this). Fill your feed with uplifting and body positive/neutral role models.
Shift the focus from how you look to how you feel in your body. Take notice and do more of what feels good in your body.
Wear, move, and touch in ways that make you feel alive and sensual—not for anyone else, but for you.
Stop chasing external validation. Your sexiness isn’t about someone else finding you attractive—it’s about you feeling deeply in touch with your own pleasure and power.
It’s time to rewrite the narrative: Midlife is our time for sexual reclamation
The biggest lie we’ve been told is that pleasure has an age limit. That our bodies are ticking clocks (or time bombs!), that we become irrelevant, and desire disappears.
Rather, midlife is actually an invitation to step into a new, deeper, wilder chapter of your sexuality!
Whether or not you’re in your midlife, now is the time to rewrite the script - for all of us —on pleasure, on intimacy, and our relationship with our own bodies.
