Our relationship ride
I got tired of waiting for him to ask me.
The strong willed, latent, feminist in me didn't believe that only men should propose. I thought that was a load of bollocks.
After six years together, I asked Josh to marry me.
I'd discovered a stunning, secluded, sunken garden, The Pioneer Women’s Memorial Garden, one morning after a run around the tan with friends. We loved it and they agreed to help me to make it the perfect scene for a romantic surprise proposal.
They set up a breakfast table and picnic rug in the garden so all I had to do was get Josh to the garden at dawn.
Somehow I did it.
Poor guy.
He thought he was getting up to go ballooning or something exciting like that.
Instead, I broke with tradition, gave him a champagne breakfast with croissants, and asked him to marry me.
He said, ‘No’!
But in the nicest possible way. He explained he couldn't accept my proposal because he wanted to ask me! He wanted it to be a surprise.
And I would have to wait until he did.
Thank goodness I was in a really good headspace! I was able to listen, understand his reasons and avoid a rejection meltdown!
I accepted his wish, and his old skool marriage beliefs, and we took a happy snap (pictured).
Within weeks I was pregnant with our son, Luca. We were committed to each other and I was busy baking a baby.
Josh surprised me with a proposal when Luca was 3 weeks old on my 30th birthday.
We married in the Pioneer Women’s Garden when Luca was 13 months old. We’re now in our 15th year of marriage.
He's definitely my safe place and biggest adventure.
After 21 years together, the ride is cruisy and comfortable.
It's easy but not electric.
It's ‘normal’.
But I'm up for extraordinary.
But how do you get that?
Fairytales tell you it's happy ever after. No clues there.
Movies and tv shows create tension between characters, miscommunication, and commitment concerns to keep us tuning in. Best not to follow lead here.
Family role models get caught up in generational patterns, social conditioning and personal pain. Not ideal (but totally understandable).
As a community we don't walk open up about relationships. We don't talk about what it takes to have healthy relationships. There's no education or advice. There's an assumption that with the right chemistry and a love story to match, everything will work out.
Earlier this year I chatted to Belinda Bailey for my podcast, Shine Love & Light on. We put the spotlight on relationships.
I loved what she shared and have been attending her Monthly masterclasses ever since. I've taken away practical tips on conflict, values and communication that I've found refreshing, practical and helpful.
She's got a unique mix of experience in Transpersonal Psychology and Neural and behavioural change, cutting edge Quantum psychology, meditation and epigenetics that speaks to me.
I've just signed up for her 3-month program The Love Codes.
Another step in discovering my wild.
A chance to learn more about how I am in relationship, notice the layers of conditioning and story I have around men, love and marriage, and elevate our relationship to the next level (one to take us into the next stage of our lives - teenage years to empty nest and beyond!).
It's an opportunity to understand all about healthy relationships so that I can share it with our kids. I really want to set them up to have soul satisfying and meaningful relationships from a young age.
I'm ready for the next chapter of our big adventure.
What's your love story?
Are you happy with the tale you tell? If you want some tools and resources, or any support, I've shared some ‘love’ links with you.
